31 December 2019

I have been feeling better this week, and was able to get a few things done today:

Gassed up the car

Costco shopping

Picked up prescription refills

Refilled 3 - 5 gallon containers with potable water

Ate a salad for lunch

Walmart shopping - bought new makeup!

1 load of dishes

1 load of laundry

Relaxing with the cats, watching YouTube while listening to people shoot off fireworks outside.

Happy New Year!

Getting Ready for 2020

It’s hard to believe New Years Eve is already here.

One Last Lesson

One last lesson from the Last Lecture of Dr. Randy Pausch.  I’ve posted on YouTube that there are three components to a sincere apology:

1.  I’m sorry

2.  I’ll never do it again

3.  What can I do to make it right?

This is where these parts of an apology comes from.

Lessons Learned In 2019

This is not an exhaustive list, but a partial list of a few lessons I’ve either learned or beliefs I’ve had validated in 2019:

A Secular Celebration of the Winter Season

Here are some fun less religious videos to celebrate the season.

Winter Break Day 3

This morning I had a therapy appointment, which went very well

Afterwards, I drove to REI to pick up a few things

I went home, picked up my grocery bags along with my stash of plastic bags from previous jaunts to the grocery store.

Plastic bags placed in the recycling bin

Picked up two faux poinsettia bouquets for the grave sites

Picked up groceries, got my steps in walking around Walmart

Put groceries away

Ran a load of laundry

Ran a load of dishes

No Buy Years

I know I have the strength to do one, but I did several no buy years out of necessity, so the thought of doing one for the fun of it doesn’t really appeal to me at this point.  I do, however, need to do better with my spending.  I need to do more writing and less shopping.  LOL.

If you are interested in a no buy year, here are a few channels who have done it.

Winter Break Day 2

Today was a great day, even though the list is somewhat light for today

I attended Sacrament Meeting (it was the only meeting held today due to Christmas)

I went to the cemetery and visited Decker and my parents

I went to the Gilbert Temple grounds.  The gates were locked, but you could still feel the peace and smell some very fragrant flowers.

I’ve been resting at home since, no dishes or laundry.  I’ll get a start on those tomorrow.

Winter Break Day 1

Yesterday after work:

I filled up the gas tank on my car

I picked up a package from UPS

I took a gift to UPS to send out

I picked up my snail mail and sorted the keepers from the recyclers.

Today:

I ran 3 loads of laundry

I ran 2 loads of dishes

I made 3 trips to the recycling bins and got rid of about 90% of my recycling

I took a walk around the complex

I ran updates on my Windows computer in preparation for year end and taxes

I watched some YouTube

I took a nap

I’m making progress!  

I’m trying to do at least 3 things per day.  

Tomorrow I’m planning on visiting the cemetery and the temple grounds after tomorrow’s Sacrament meeting.  Then more laundry and dishes.  I can take my walk at the cemetery and temple grounds.

A Scene From Our Times

Purchases Arriving!

This feels like the first Christmas where I’ve been able to relax and start investing in some items... yeah books.  And some electronics, but mostly books.

Also, the Life Map Journal has arrived from Muchelleb in Australia!

Pics:

Writing A Book Series

Previously I posted a video where Kate Cavanaugh talks about trying to write her current book based on the writing habits of J.K. Rowling.

I have been mesmerized by this video.  Whether Kate has noticed it or not, the concept of learning more deeply about how Joanne Rowling wrote not only A BOOK but SEVEN BOOKS, all interconnected with one another, with mystery plots for each one and one overarching plot for the series.

Some of you have seen the picture of how she used grids to keep everything straight - not only for the current book but the main plot of the series.

This had to be done METICULOUSLY in order for the continuity to continue through the series.  There are incidents and conversations in Books 1, 2 & 3 that needed to be in place for books 6 & 7.  The size of her grids must have been tremendous!

I’ve found another author channel on YouTube that goes more in depth with all of this.  But first, a few things regarding writing mystery:

And now more about what it takes to construct a book series:

Why Is Cleaning So Hard When Someone Is Depressed?

Well worth watching.

Johnny Lingo

An old classic.

Hitting It Big In Social Media

A Channel Worth Supporting

Cambriea gets paid from YouTube Ads, she doesn’t charge the families for helping them with their piles.  Now I need a Cambriea in Arizona.  LOL.

Update For Today

Yes, I stayed home from Church today.

What I got done today:

I slept in.  I needed it.

I have run 2 loads of dishes in the dishwasher

I have run several loads of laundry.

I cleaned the mirror and counter top in my master bathroom.

I changed one of the litter boxes and took out the trash.

I took down my calendar from a few years ago and replaced it (temporarily) with an advent calendar.  I’m wondering if the cats will destroy it, but I thought it was cute and made of fabric.

I still need to:

Run 1 more load of dishes

Run 1-2 loads of laundry

Take out 2 more bags of trash

Put 1 item (already chosen) into my donation bag for December 1st.

Need More Writing Challenges?

Here is a podcast with prompts to get you thinking:  Writing Challenges

Writing Challenges

I would LOVE to see a reaction video from Joanne Rowling on YouTube with her reacting to this video.  I love this video and enjoy watching Kate’s adventures in writing.

My Day Today

I don’t know why I feel exhausted, but yesterday when I got home I went straight to bed and crashed until about 1am.

Needless to say, my day started rather early with my feeding the cats at that hour and eating some crackers to put food in my stomach so I could go back to sleep.

Later this morning I had a dental appointment.

Afterwards, I picked up some pancakes and sausage at McDonalds and went home to eat and take my medication.

Then I got my second wind.

I started a load of dishes and a load of laundry.

I got the plastics and cans together in the mesh laundry bag that I used for my recycling and drove to Tempe to place it in their recycling bins.  Now that Mesa has stopped providing recycling centers, getting the recycling out of my home has become more complicated.

Then I picked up the refill prescriptions at Walgreens.  

I drove over to Costco in Gilbert, but the line getting into the parking lot was stretching down the road to the light at Baseline.  That place was a zoo.  I tried to go up McClintock to go to the North Scottsdale/Paradise Valley Costco, but much of McClintock is down to 1 lane of traffic in a lot of places and traffic was backed up.  After waiting through several lights, I finally was able to turn around and ended up going to one of the corner gas stations by my home.

After that, I went to Walmart by my home, but it was less crazy there than Costco, so I purchased a bunch of groceries.

I came home and while putting the bags on my kitchen counters, a spider decided it was going to land where my hand was at, so I moved quickly away from it.  The spiders have been forming a “slow moving coup” trying to take over my home and this hit my last nerve.  I got my vacuum cleaner out and cleared out the spiders taking over my pantry shelves in the dining room and areas of my kitchen.  I felt a great sense of satisfaction after doing this!

Came home and felt quite icky.  My mouth was sore from the dental work and all of the driving in a lot of traffic made me nauseous (of course watching a poor woman throwing up on the side of the road on my way to Costco didn’t help), so I called it a night and messaged a dear friend that I was going to have to pass on the dinner out.  I need some rest and some peace after a day of anxiety.

The cats have been feed, I’ll fix something for myself to eat and probably call it an early evening tonight.

All in all, though, I did get some things done.

Progress!

How Is Your Load?

The Christ Child

Beauty For Ashes

Source:  

https://media.ldscdn.org/images/media-library/christmas/prophet-isaiah-foretells-christs-birth-39469-gallery.jpg

This past Thursday (November 21st), I learned a new lesson from God.

I have a coworker who hasn’t always been kind towards me, much of it undeserved.  This coworker is now starting the caregiving journey I have finished, so the amount of stress this person is experiencing has pretty much tripled.

Thursday this individual was going to pick up family at the airport and were super stressed about all of the paperwork associated with healthcare of the people in their charge.

I had on my desk their solution.  The mean Dawn was thinking I should let this person suffer, but my good side took over and I brought a multi-tabbed envelope, similar to what I used with my Mother, to sort out all of the health forms based upon the various doctors we go to as we get older, to this person and explained to this person how to use it.  The light bulb turned on and they realized there is a way to sort and store everything you accumulate from various doctors and hospitals and this was the solution they needed.k

I later heard from my boss he had heard about the gift I had given.

This Holy Ghost hit me strong when I returned to my desk with a clear message:  beauty for ashes.

I remembered this from the Holy Bible, however I had to look up where it was found.  It comes from Isaiah Chapter 61:3.

3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;...

Instead of giving an eye for an eye, give love the way our Savior loves and cares for each of us, even when we don’t deserve it.

By providing some assistance and some relief, I demonstrated the love of Jesus Christ and His ability to provide for us the help we all need from Him.

Even when someone is burning their bridges with you, you can still give beauty for the ashes.

Mist of Darkness - Book of Mormon

As you may have read earlier, I am seeking light, knowledge according to the personal plan of happiness God has in store for me (and everyone on this Earth).  One of the questions that I’ve had for a while - and was answered today - was regarding the Book of Mormon’s account of Lehi’s Vision in 

1st Nephi chapter 8.

My questions were:

How does Lehi’s Vision account for the uniqueness of our individual journeys through life?

Is there a Rod of Iron for each of us, or only one?

Where in the dream accounts for the trials of our lives, particularly when Satan is coming at us?  When we experience pain, grief, depression, anxiety and other physical afflictions?

Where does the Atonement of Jesus Christ apply to us in this dream?

I found the answers to most of this while studying and praying regarding these questions today.

The answer is in the mist of darkness described beginning in verse 23.

The mist of darkness is where the view of the Tree of Life is obscured and we must choose who we will serve, God or man.  Where will our faith be?

All of those different paths our lives take occurs in this mist, not just the temptations to leave, but also grieving, pain, depression, anxiety and other afflictions.  This is where the Atonement of Jesus Christ was suffered for and meant for us to take into our lives to keep the mist at bay.  The light of God, for some, can even part the mist to provide a clear vision - personal revelation.

Happy Veterans Day

To all who have served, thank you.

For Dad:  Happy Veterans Day.

Taking A Break From Social Media

I got triggered with a recent online feud between two people I’ve never met.  Thankfully, I had an appointment with my therapist this morning, so between him and the meds I was able to make some sense as to why this triggered me.

The two people are feuding over gossip and rumors.  When do rumors become gossip?  When does sharing information  become slander?

My opinion is both parties are at fault.

Is it hurtful when people talk about you behind your back?  Yes, and it ruins any trust that might have been there between you and the other person.  Trust that is hard and takes years to regain, if at all.  I’ve been the object of hurtful gossip and hurtful behaviors from people I should have been able to trust and from a place where I should have expected love and acceptance.  Yet, I couldn’t let it go.

There have been other times, however, when I have been the one lashing out and saying hurtful things towards others, and others, in a place where there should have been love and acceptance instead faced criticism and snarky comments from me.  I have repented of these times, but it doesn’t mean I don’t remember and feel regret and remorse.

My problem has been letting go and letting God, as used by Alcoholics Anonymous.  I’m learning.

In the meantime, I’m hoping these two people can move on with this feud and find the love and acceptance they seek.

In the meantime, I’m taking a break.  I don’t know how long a break, I’ll know when I’m ready to come back.

Answers To Prayer

Something To Keep In Mind This Christmas

Consider the differences between the original and the knockoff.

And... the knockoff.

Guess What Came In The Mail...

...a new beginning towards a nicer looking me!

Some LDS Videos On Creating Our Personal Plan of Happiness

Your Plan of Happiness - With A Limited Time Offer

In my religion, we talk about God’s Plan of Happiness.

Why aren’t we making our own Plan of Happiness?

Pull out your journals, your Patriarchal Blessing, some scratch paper.  Watch these videos and download the free worksheets.  At the end of the last video is a limited time offer that Muchelle has put together.  I’m incorporating that into the Clever Fox 13 Week Ultimate Life Planner.  Between all of these resources, along with prayer, I believe I can create a life that I no longer need to take self care days to get away from.

 

22 October 2019

Today started off with a lot of nausea but has ended on a high note.

8-11 am - Worked a side hustle 

12 - 12:30 - Lunch with a special friend

1 - 2:30 pm 

Deposited money at the Credit Union

Gas up car @ Costco, plus picked up cat food.

Plus picked up human food @ Walmart.

I’m running the dishwasher and need to bring up the last of the groceries from the car.

I need to pay tithing, the credit card and put money in my savings.

I’m feeling much better as I’ve gotten some things accomplished!

Progress!

New Items From Clever Fox

Clever Fox has come out with some new products, I’m still in the process of looking through them, but I do have the photos from the Budget Planner that I’ve been using

The newer items are:

The Budget Book

The other?  The 13 Week Ultimate Achiever’s Planner

More information once I get into it!

The 13 Week Ultimate Achiever’s Planner

The Budget Book

Happy World Mental Health Day

Tuesday afternoon, I was overcome with anger and depression and it felt like the anger was winning.  I had a private conversation with my boss that ended with me in a puddle of tears.  I went home feeling angry, depressed, anxious about how my boss now viewed me (he understands because he has been there too).

I went home and the feelings didn’t subside.

I prayed for help and guidance at that point.

The next day (yesterday), I took a wellness day off as I wasn’t myself.  I could tell the chemicals in my brain were not right.  I took all of the medications I am supposed to and then the grieving hit.  I cried for a bit of time yesterday and allowed myself to process the emotions.  It took a little while to get through it, meanwhile I was still praying while in the thick of it.  After the feelings left me, I said a prayer of gratitude that it ended.

Having read about having some ideas in mind that bring joy, I felt impressed to get some sunlight, so I opened up the Arcadia door and stepped out into the light and felt the Spirit of the Lord within the light.  I felt angelic hugs.  I felt peace.

Last night I had a dream that I’ve not had in quite a while, I was purchasing new temple garments with my new recommend (mine has been expired for some years) and I was looking forward to going to the Temple.

The healing continues.

Lessons From Light

From the vantage point of a photographer.

Lessons From Light

The Lesson of The Broken Lamp

This morning, while I was doing some light housework, I was in my bedroom when something triggered the heavy floor lamp to come falling towards my head.  Thankfully, I caught it and was unhurt, but the lamp broke in half and was no longer functional.  I unplugged it and removed the bulb, but given the weight of the lamp I didn’t feel comfortable yet to move it or dispose of it.

This afternoon, while reading Between Two Minds (Dr. Judith Stay Moore), I was reading through the grieving process chapter and while reading about some of the things on her list of fulfilling things, the thought came to me about the lamp and I was taught a lesson.

While that source of Light worked for me in the past, I have changed from the trauma and need to be seeking new forms of light.  The lamp (and the old light) needed to be replaced in my life.  As with me spiritually and emotionally, I need to find a new source for my Heavenly Light.  Not in the Light itself, but the way I obtain it.

Mind blown.

In Case You Are Wondering Where I’ve Been...

I’m in very good hands and the doctor is fantastic.  This is my 3rd robotic surgery with Dr. Webb, so I guess I can call myself a techie nerd inside and out!

I have felt some aches, but nothing major and on day 4 was out grocery shopping.

Labor Day

Aura?

This was an interesting video regarding the people who bought into the Fyre Festival.  This also helps to answer a question broached by a few people regarding a few people walking the red carpet at the VMA’s.

Yes, they want to live and create an aura of people being something they are not for bragging rights.  The problem?  They are living A LIE.

It’s Been A Week.

Of course I’m being sarcastic here, yes it has been a week, it has also been an eventful week.

Rachel likens to sleep on top of my head on the pillow and Wednesday morning she jumped up to get there, but one of her claws went into my left eye.

I got up and saw blood coming out of my now closed eyelid.  Grabbed my purse, put my shoes on and locked the door as I walked quickly to the car.  I started throwing up, but since I hadn’t eaten anything in some hours, nothing came out.

I drove myself carefully to the ER.  Thankfully it only took my about 10 minutes to get there as there was very little traffic at 3:40 in the morning.

Got to the ER and managed to get there before the rush of other patients started arriving.  After about 10 minutes, I was brought in and laid on a gurney in the hallway.  Everything was full.

It took a little while and I was able to start breathing and relaxing as I knew if anything happened to me, there was help right there.

I was taken to a room and a doctor put numbing drops in my eye and checked it.  The cornea has a large scratch, along with a gouge on my bottom inner lid where Rachel’s claw got stuck.  I had to pull her paw out of my eye to get her off of me.

I was given antibiotics and sent home, where my eye proceeded to continue to bleed for over 12 hours.

I made phone calls and found an ophthalmologist in Tempe who could see me... next week.  I asked if there was anyone I could see earlier and they booked an appointment for me for Thursday morning.

I had already emailed my boss from the ER and let him know what was going on.  I was given a note from the ER to be off work Wednesday and Thursday.  Friday was a blackout day, so the medical optometrist wrote a note for Friday to give my eyes a chance too heal.

They say my eye will be fine by the time I have the hysterectomy, we’ll see.  I also have the pre-op appointment for that on Tuesday afternoon, and the eye appointment Tuesday morning.

I did stop by Thursday at work to drop off the doctors notes for my absences.  They got to take a look at my eye and a few were grossed out.  LOL.  Just in case anyone thought I was bluffing.  LOL.

I did take a picture of myself at Walgreens on Thursday, and while it was looking better by then, I’ve been debating in my head as to whether or not to post it anywhere.  Not pretty.

I’m feeling better, my eye is slowly healing (the optometrist put a protective contact lens in my eye), so it does itch and feels uncomfortable but it doesn’t kill in pain.  That would have been right when it happened.

Onward!!

Very Cool!

It’s a little harder given that I work in IT.

Maybe during my next vacation I could try this...

Conspiracy!

Yes, I’m totally buying into this!

I Had Never Heard of This...

But I love these ideas!

A Very Busy Month

July and August have been crazy busy at work, the volume of calls, emails and visits hasn’t decreased yet, but I am making some progress with getting work done.

Am I exhausted?

Yes.

I keep forgetting to take the hormone therapy and vitamins, and found myself waking up completely dizzy yesterday morning.  I ate, took vitamins and slept.

Still recuperating today.

Hacking Your Habits

More information:

What Are You Going To Do?

While this affects California residents, it doesn’t take too much for blackouts to occur for all kinds of reasons.  Remember Enron?

My opinion:  it’s great to feel we need to strengthen and secure our power grid, but reality is that people are going to need to provide their own power supplies and not rely on utilities.

Writing Characters

Most people think that telling a story is easy.  Unless you’re a writer.

Impossible!

This Message Is Brought To You By...

Life Improvement

You Can’t Take It With You

Receiving Answers To Prayer

Cleaning Motivation

I love these videos.

Another Reason To Get Out of Debt

Who knows how and where this will end.

This Is Not For Everyone

While this is a really great way to expand your purchasing power, I’m not sure about giving so much information away.  At least, though, you will be getting a form of payment in exchange.

Gorgeous

Wow.  

52 Week Savings Challenges

I first mentioned this in 2016, but I’ve been able to follow the Level 3 - double the savings amount - this year and I’m seeing some results.

I was trying for July to pay off my medical bills, but it is looking like it will be the first part of August!

52 Week Savings Challenge

22 July 2019

It feels so good to be back to 8 hour days again.

After work today:

Grocery shopped at Walmart

Fed the cats

Took a load of recycling to the recycling area

Ran two loads of laundry

Changed my bedding

Ran a load of dishes

Took out the trash

Picked up the snail mail and sorted it

Ate dinner

Listened to the storm as it passed by my home

Oh yeah, I watched a little bit of YouTube, but not very much.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow!

Welcome Back To School

This is the time of year when new teachers are receiving their training and returning teachers are setting up their classrooms.

Sunday Spiritual Thoughts

Saturday Service

Please share.  Mufasa has already found a home, but there are more strays who could use a good home.

Friday’s Feature

Very, very cool.

Thursday Thrills!

This is definitely on my bucket list!

Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom

Shopping your pantry is a must!

Tuesday’s Financial Treasure

What gems did you pick up in this video?

Cinderella - Stop Blaming The Victim

Very, very insightful - and of course focusing on the story of my favorite princess.

The Prince of Peace

May you have peace on The Lord’s Day.

Economic Hitman

Very interesting.

5 Self Care Habits

A great video with some good insight.

11 July 2019

This past week has been stressful and emotional.

On Sunday, I went to Church for the first time in a while and found Decker was there with me.  He helped to keep me calm and to remind me of what it was like attending Church with him while he was alive.  I started sobbing after Sacrament Meeting was over and had trouble stopping.  I also received a Priesthood Blessing for this week’s biopsy and upcoming surgery.

On Tuesday, my coworker was home sick from work.  At a point when I was alone in the office, I looked over to her desk and saw that an iMac was turned on with the camera pointed to my desk.  I was looking at the video feed and saw a black “shadow person” walk away from where I was sitting.  I’ve heard footsteps in the room before with no one there, this was the first time I got any kind of visual hint that someone has been hanging around.  It’s never anything threatening or destructive, but it is a little startling.

Wednesday I was getting caught up on the work that was left on my desktop from last week’s stomach bug.

Today I had the biopsy.  I took a couple of ibuprofen before I left and was thankful I did.  The medical staff were unable to access the area for the biopsy, so it was stopped.  As I’ve not had children, my body is not stretched out.  The pain was significant as they tried and decided this was not going to work. I went home with tears in my eyes feeling completely dejected from the experience.  They made it clear it wasn’t my fault and the health insurance company needed to realize that my body isn’t going to tolerate this.

I went home this afternoon and ended up sleeping for 4 1/2 hours.

I’m feeling sore and there has been some bleeding, but it will pass.

Onward.

Some Harry Potter Humor

The FlyLady Cleaning System

Decluttering

Weekly Reset

Muchelleb is one of my go to channels for self care.

She has also just come out with a new mid-year reset to go with her beginning of the year life shaping program.

One More Independence Day Video

Suitable for the Sabbath Day (actually The Lord’s Day).

Try Not To Laugh!

5 July 2019

I hope all of you had a wonderful Independence Day yesterday.  Mine had neighbors shooting off fireworks in the wee hours of the morning.

Not so bad considering I’m off today, however I had to be up at 5:00 so I could get ready for a doctor’s appointment this morning to go over my hormone test results. I’m now on a cream for hormone replacement therapy.

So, after the appointment this morning, I drove to Walmart and did about $170.00 damage for food.  This food, however, will last me a while.  I got more of some of my staple foods plus the quickie meals from Maria Calendar.  I’m stocked up.  I also bought some salad, so I can have something healthy for lunch.  LOL.

I then went home and put the groceries a way

Then I took the plastics and cans to the recycling, then went to Costco and filled the gas tank.  I was going to pick up some items, however Costco was a madhouse.  I don’t need the items right away and it can wait until Tuesday.  Costco is usually slower on Tuesdays.

I went home and got a call from the pharmacy filling the prescription that it would be ready after 2pm.  I went home for an hour and then left and went to the pharmacy.

It’s after 3pm and I’m hoping I can stay home for a little bit so I can cool down and eat some food and take my medications.  I’ve not eaten yet today.  LOL.

Have a great day!

Deflecting

What’s Really On The Back of The Declaration of Independence?

Happy Independence Day, USA!

Training For Apollo 11

As the sun rises on our Independence Day, let us not forget to reach for the stars.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

IDevice Battery Life

Some great tips!

1 July 2019

Day 1 and I went home sick from work.  The tummy and shaking legs sick.

I’ll listen to the scriptures and The Peacegiver from bed today.

Today’s diet:  7up and crackers.

Habits

For July, I will be trying to turn a few new processes in my life into habits.

This is not going to be easy for me, but it will be worth it.

For starters, I will be removing the apps for Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat from my devices for the month of July.

A few other things I plan to do:

Remember to take my vitamins daily.

Listen to the Book of Mormon (at least one chapter, more if I have time) daily.

Journal daily.

Read daily.

Wish me luck!  I’m going to need it!  LOL.

July’s Month of Independence From Social Media

I’m not going to be checking my social media during the month of July.

For those of you who have birthdays in July, please know I wish you the happiest of birthdays with friends, family and good food.

I’d like to focus on emotional self care for July.

I have books to read and a desire to turn my bedroom into a sanctuary.

I have some blog posts that I will be pre-typing up and scheduling for July, I just won’t be posting them on Facebook and Twitter.

I hope you have a fantastic July and a wonderful Independece Day for my friends here in the U.S.A.

Jane Austen’s Homes

A Cool Murphy Bed

21 June 2019 Health Update

I just returned from getting my annual mammograms done.

Thankfully the test results are normal.  Yay!

On June 12th, the same day as my wedding anniversary, I went to the gynecologist office for the first part of my annual checkup:  the ultra sounds.

More cysts were found, including one that is 7cm (golf ball sized).  This meant the 2nd part of the checkup was cancelled and instead I met with my doctor to discuss my options.

This was a shock on a day that I didn’t need more shocks.  I drove around for 2 hours after work and went home and cried.  I’m having to say goodbye to a part of my womanhood.  That part that reminded me of the time Decker and I were trying to have children.  Along with all of the other losses, now I have to face this one.  Alone.

I will be having a full hysterectomy.  The good news is, because of all the money I’ve spent so far In therapy, I’ve now met the deductible on my health insurance, so this isn’t going to bankrupt me like it did last year.

In fact, I’m still paying off last year and am looking forward to getting out of debt in July.

But this alone bit has left me emotionally scarred and just plain ticked off.  I’m mad that this is happening when I don’t have my husband I or parents there for support.  Not even a hug.

Well, this will be a part of that new life I’ve been trying to build for the life that died when Mom died.  Or the life that died when Dad died.  Or the life that died when Decker died.  

There’s a part of me that wonders what’s next?  What else is God going to have me lose?

Just venting (and crying some more).

I still pray, but it does feel distant anymore.

I’ll be okay.  We’ll get through this surgery and I’ll go on smiling and telling everyone I’m good when I’m really not.  But it’s less messy that way.

Will July Be Your Month of Independence?

My plan is for me to go on a different fast from social media - Influences that are a waste of my time.

The drama channels?  Unsubscribed.  None of that drama, while it gets addicting to watch, has nothing to do with me.  Plus, apparently some of these people don’t like members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  One fo the videos asked if anyone had read a book that they could not put down.  I mentioned The Peacegiver by James Ferrell.  Fantastic book that I need to listen to again and again, but it “outed” me as a “Mormon”.  Now no ones likes or replies to my comments.  I’ve become persona non grata.  Goodbye Sisters.

Horror Movie Reviews - I was never into horror movies as a kid, while I enjoyed some family friendly stuff (The Ghost & Mr. Chicken), the other stuff gave me nightmares.  I still don’t do the slasher films, but some of the more haunting movies have peaked my curiosity, so I watch the reviews of these movies to see which ones I might tolerate.  The problem is this:  last year I noticed that I had gone numb emotionally and I started watching stuff that I normally would never watch.  Namely stuff on death and horror.  I need to fill my mind with things that are going to be uplifting, not scary.  I’ve unsubscribed from these channels.  I’ve witnessed and experienced enough real horror in my life.

I will be continuing to work on paying off the medical debt that is on my one and only credit card.  I’m almost there, however there has been a snag in the road, namely that I will be having another laparoscopic surgery again.  I meet with the doctor/surgeon to find out what he wants to do. 

More on that later.

Lessons From History - Great Depression Cooking

RIP Clara, thank you for the lessons.

Is A Recession Coming?

A lot of leading economists are saying that the U.S. is heading for a recession.  

Economically speaking, it’s overdue.  There has been talk it will hit in 2020.

Buckle up.

10 June 2019

A busy day at work today.

After spending Saturday and Sunday at home catching up on laundry and dishes, I’m starting off the week right.

After getting home from work today:

Fed the cats

Took cardboard recycling out to the car, tore down some boxes that have been sitting in my living room for months.

Drove recycling to recycling center for drop off.

Took clean dishes out of dishwasher.

Put a load of cat dishes into the dish washer and started it.

Took out the trash.

Fixed dinner.

I need to eat and take my meds and change out the laundry from the dryer and put the wash in the dryer.

We are making progress!

Social Media Usage

This is very interesting to watch, I’m wondering how good the book is?

How To Apologize Properly - While Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

I love this video.

I’ve seen so many apologies on YouTube lately and I thought this might provide a small teaching moment for both the giver and the recipient.

Are you a Tigger or an Eyore?

The full video (including a few swear words) can be found here:

The Overspent American

Very, very good.

Finishing Baby Step 2

I’m not completely there yet, however I am in the home stretch.  Praying.  Praying hard.

Here are some ideas of things to look forward to after Baby Step 2.

7 June 2019

With summer comes the summer hour change to 10 hour work days 4 days per week.  This means today was my first Friday off.  Making appointments on these Fridays means I have to leave the house.

Today:

Hygienist appointment 

Hair appointment 

Costco run

Car wash

Dishes

Recycling run

Walmart grocery run

Not bad!

I have another load of dishes to run and more recycling to take out.

Progress!

Trauma

While there are some traumatic events in my life that I’ve shared, there are others that I have not.  For a reason.

That doesn’t mean, though, that the trauma never existed from those events.

I’m learning how to deal with this through therapy and thought I’d bring you this message from Kati Morton.

Be sure to look at the rest of her channel on YouTube for related videos and information on other mental health topics.

26 May 2019

This past Wednesday I felt an overwhelming sense of peace come over me.

It’s the Holy Spirit of God, and it means that I’m healing.  I haven’t felt this in a very long time.  I have no idea why God still loves me, but it’s nice to know He still does.

Today is Memorial Day. While I don’t have anyone directly related to me who died in battle, I do have many who were wounded in battle.  My heart and prayers go out to the survivors and the families of those who have fallen.

Pause.  Reflect.  Count your blessings.

Still In A Cocoon

25 May 2019

This week has been crazy, but school is now out for the summer.  In the midst of all this, for some reason, I started feeling peace on Wednesday.

I have no idea why, but I certainly needed it.  I haven’t felt that in a while.  Like years.

This morning I got up and fed the cats, fed myself and took my medication.  I included 1/2 of a Primidone with that medication.  I went back to bed and didn’t wake up until 4:45 in the afternoon.  It was after 5 when I finally got out of bed and fed the cats again.

I’m still a.little loopy from the Primidone, but hopefully it will be mostly gone by tomorrow morning.  I’d like to be able to go to Church.

I want the peace to continue.

Good night, everyone.

20 May 2019

It was 7 pm when I got off work.

I went to Walmart and picked up a few items.  It was 7:45 by the time I left.

Got home, put the groceries away and gathered up the cat food cans and took them to the recycling.  By the time I got home it was 8:45.

I heated up a frozen dinner, and through a load of clothes in the washer.

I watched a little bit of tv and when the washer finished, I moved the clothes to the dryer.  

I ate dinner, took my evening medications and went to bed.

Not bad considering how late I got off work.

Progress!

The Calm Before The Storm

The last week of school.  Please pray for everyone working in education.  Seriously.

Happy Saturday

I’m sorry I missed Monday.  

It’s the end of the school year with the regular craziness.

Plus with all of the drama going on with some of the YouTube channels.  Yeah, I went down that rabbit hole.  LOL.  At least it’s a distraction from the craziness in my life.

There are some favorites I haven’t been able to keep up on as well as any zone cleaning this week.

I did get a few loads of laundry done and a few loads of dishes.

Now onto the cleaning.  I need to pick up a few groceries, refill water containers, get more laundry done and do some cleaning around the house.

Now I just need some motivation.  LOL.

Have a great weekend.

Happy Women’s Day

Tomorrow makes Mother’s Day.

The only problem is, I’m not a Mother.

You see all of this dates back to my being in Young Women in my Church, even though I was not a member of the Church at that time.

“You are a Mother in Zion”, I’ve been told.  “I’ll be a Mother in the eternities.” I’ve been told.

Here’s the problem.

My husband is dead.  That was a choice from God.

I was not able to have children while he was alive.  That was another choice from God.

I have spent my life existing on unfulfilled expectations.  Waiting for the return of my husband, waiting for the opportunity to have and raise my beautiful children, waiting to be included in the mommy groups and to have other mothers come and visit with me while our children play together.

I’m still waiting.

The only fulfilled expectation that I have at this point is the grave site and marker that have already been bought and paid for.

That’s what is waiting for me.

Please stop wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day.  Instead, wish me a Happy Women’s Day.

Because I’m not a Mother.  Because I am a Woman.  Because my worth as a woman and a Daughter of God is not dependent upon my uterus.

I am enough.

Why Restart The FlyLady System Now?

I found a new channel that is covering the FlyLady method and I love this young woman’s attitude.

The Secret Slob

10 May 2019

Yesterday I got a lot done at work, then crashed when I got home.

This is actually typical of a Friday, I usually called Friday’s my crash night.  Even in college when I was working full time to support myself and pay for college.

I got home and slept for a few hours before feeding the cats their dinner.  Then , around 10:00 at night, I finally ate something so I could go to bed.

No cleaning last night.  

9 May 2019

It was a good day at work today, I got a lot done and have a lot more stuff to do.  It was a very gratifying day.

I had an appointment with the psych today and weighed in at 217 pounds!  In March I was at 232 pounds.  It’s nice to know not even all of the Easter candy I ate didn’t hinder the weight loss!

I also spent a few minutes while dinner was cooking to clean the cabinet doors on the top cabinets in my kitchen.  More cleaning!  Yay!

Tomorrow’s Friday - time to get ready for another weekend!

The only downer part of today has been the depression I have been feeling for the upcoming Mother’s Day holiday this coming Sunday.  My Mother is now gone and given that I’m not a mother myself, yeah, it sucks.

8 May 2019

Yesterday the only kitchen work that was done were the dishes.

Today, I ran another load of dishes, took out the kitchen trash and wiped down the outer doors of the dishwasher and refrigerator.

Progress!

6 May 2019

This morning was therapy, then onto my job where I worked late and made up the time.  Plus I was able to get some work done without interruptions, which makes everything move faster.

Tomorrow is oral surgeon check up.  Wish me luck.

Wedding Drama. Wow.

I can honestly say that I am so thankful Decker and I kept our wedding low key.  We paid for everything ourselves, the bridal shower was at a friend’s living room, our wedding was on a Friday and the reception was on a Saturday.  Our biggest expense was the post-wedding luncheon at the Landmark Restaurant in the Victoria Room in the basement.  Gorgeous and the food was fantastic.  I’m so sorry to hear about drama like this.  Sometimes simple is better.

This should go without saying, but apparently there are some people who don’t understand online etiquette.

May Updates

May 2nd:  I took a bag of Mom’s vintage Harlequin Romance books over to the Mother of a dear friend who loves those books.  Mom loved those books since I can remember,  I liked them when I was in Jr. High School, but I’m just not into them now.  I still have more that Mom bought, but only a fraction of what she actually had in different parts of the house.

May 3rd:  I took some books from the dining room table to a friend at one of the schools.  She likes to read books that make you think, and I had a few that I read and was ready to let go of.

May 4th:  Dishes and Laundry, plus removing a few more books from the dining room table.  I’m slowly clearing it off.

May 5th starts Zone 2 for me - the kitchen.  There is a LOT of work I need to do in the kitchen.

New To Me Finance Channels I’m Loving

Alicia Does Adulting

Ash Cash Budget

1 May 2019

Zone 1 Day 1:

Ran a few loads of laundry, ran a load of dishes and took out the trash.

Then I cleaned the front door and security door with Clorox wipes.

I also cleaned one of the kitchen counters with Clorox wipes.

Not much, but it looks and smells much better.

Progress!

29 April 2019

After a great day of productivity at work:

Drove to Costco; put gas in the car

Picked up a case of cat food at Costco.

Drove to Walmart; picked up some groceries.

Drove home.

Fed the cats

Loaded up the car with paper, plastic and can recycling.

Drove to the recycling area and dropped it off.

Drove home.

Ran a load of dishes in the dishwasher.

Ran a load of laundry in the washer and drier.

Fixed and ate dinner.

Tomorrow I’ll check my planner to see how well I did with getting things done today.

Tomorrow is finance day.

Burnout - A Series By Katie Morton

Have you ever wondered if you are burned out from a relationship, whether it’s personal or professional?  What can you do about it?

This is a fantastic deep dive by Licensed Therapist Katie Morton on the subject.  Note:  there are some swear words in this, and some homework on each of the videos.

Habits of The Wealthy

Do You Write Fiction? This Video Is Fantastic

A Great Book To Listen To

Something Interesting I Noticed While Preparing My Taxes

This past weekend I did my taxes.  Usually I try to have them done by now, but I was sick during a chink of my Spring Break.

So, I’m using Turbo Tax, which shows your refund amount at the top.  I started off having a very small amount in that box until I entered in my tax deductible donations.  Then the refund grew.  A lot.

Then there was the amount of money (over 20% of my gross pay) spent in medical expenses.

Yep.

And I was also able to deduct the money spent in work uniforms last year (yay!) that were not compensated by my employer.

Yeah, last year was a crazy year.

But I noticed that the bulk of my refund was coming from the donations.

When you think about people at economic levels and take a look at who donates and who doesn’t, I think I have a pretty good idea of why some people noticed a decrease in their refund amounts.

Just an observation.

The Night of Crazy Dreams

First it was a dream about being at a conference with my coworkers, only to find myself running through a shopping mall, trying to find my way out to get to the hotel again.  Multiple floors and multiple hotels at different entrances.  For some odd reason I left the hotel we were checking into with no purse, no ID, no money.  I was afraid to ask for help for fear I’d be arrested.

Then there was the dream where Mom and Dad’s vehicles were still finding their way back to me, even though both were sold a while back.  In the midst of all of that I met this nice older man, who I felt like I had seen him before but couldn’t place his name.  Only to awake and find out it was Bill O’Reilly.  Um, no thanks.

Crazy, crazy dreams.

Still Working On Taxes?

Here is something more enjoyable to listen to while you get them done.

Just In Time For Tax Day

The General Conference Talk That Spoke To Me The Most

I loved General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  A lot of really great speakers.

This is the one that stood out for me (at least for now).

Thank you, Sister Eubank.

Mini Horse Love

Very Cool Design!

Overcoming Obstacles

Bag Balm

I have never heard of this stuff, but it sounds great!

The College Admissions Scandal

If you haven’t heard about this yet, where have you been?

For the record, I worked jobs to pay my own way through community college and university for my AA and BS degrees.  I did know classmates in high school, however, who were going to have it much easier in their college years because of the wealth of their parents.  My attitude is, however, that I left university with a much better education and a resume filled with various job experiences from a variety of industries to make me a viable candidate for jobs.

Here is some information on the scandal:

However, this is nothing new, as many have pointed out.

New To Me Channel I’m Loving

FlavCity With Bobby Parrish - healthy cooking, healthy ingredients.

Productive Day So Far

Fed the cats

Ate breakfast, took morning meds

Loaded the bag of cans and plastics into the car along with grocery bags

Picked up prescriptions

Took cans and plastics to recycling

Bought groceries and gardening supplies at Walmart

Came home and unloaded the car

Packed the car with containers of cardboard boxes

Took cardboard boxes to recycling

Came home.

By the way, I have been losing weight.  I’m thinking the changes from the meds have included an uptick in my metabolism.

January:  248 lbs

February: 238 lbs

March:  232 lbs

We’ll see where this ends up!

If Your YouTube Channel Is Dying...

A Very Productive Day!

This morning I had a doctor’s appointment in downtown Phoenix, so I took the light rail and was VERY thankful I did.  There is so much road construction going on right now, everything just seems to be getting torn up.  The light rail is unhindered in this, so there’s no detours it has to take.

I didn’t have time for breakfast before I left this morning, so after the appointment, I crossed the street to Park Central Mall and had breakfast for the first time at Daily Watch.  I’m usually one of the people who likes to try out everyone’s take on French Toast, theirs is delicious, rivalling my favorite at Cracker Barrel.

I’m thankful I filled up on French Toast and Orange Juice, I took the light rail back to 1st Ave and Jefferson so I could go to the County Records.  Since I was off this week, I thought I’d take advantage and finally jump through the hoops I knew was going to be needed to get a new passport.  My previous one was from 1996 - pre-Decker - and was still in my maiden name.  I already had my birth certificate, I needed a certified copy of my marriage record in order to legally show the name change.  I just forgot one thing:  the picture.  This meant I had to hike back 5 blocks to the CVS store to pay to have my photo taken for the passport.  Then, the hike back over to the office.  Once I got everything set up, it took over an hour wait to get everything done, and solemnly swear it was all correct.

YAY!  It’s done and on it’s way!

I made the hike back 5 blocks to the light rail station and rode the train back to my car at the park and ride.  

I then drove to Costco and gassed up the car.

Then I went to Walmart and made a BRIEF shopping trip, as my body is hurting from all of the walking.  I definitely reached whatever threshold there is on steps today.

I’m now home and at 6pm I am finally starting to get hungry again.

I guess it’s about time for dinner, meds and bed.

Non-Candy Easter Basket Ideas

Brought from a great YouTuber!

Movie Night

With all of the shenanigans in celebrity and political news, I’ve been reminded of this movie lately.

https://youtu.be/SBR9WYojYRU

A Cautionary Tale

I used to be a subscriber to Money Magazine.  In fact, I still buy digital issues, but not a subscription. The reason for this was simply that at the time I was not retiring anytime soon, I was already contributing to my 401K working in banking, and I was not married with kids.  There was a lot of their content that didn’t pertain to me, and for the most part, there still isn’t.  Maybe when I’m closer to retirement, I’ll take another look.

But here is a cautionary tale about the people writing for these magazines, because when you read their articles, you may not know what businesses or products they may be pushing because they are paid for it.

A very interesting article from The New York Times:

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/01/your-money/money-answers-man-jordan-goodman.html?utm_source=digg&utm_medium=email