The Book I’m Listening To Right Now

The Big Leap was a great book with a lot of great teachings.

Last night I couldn’t sleep and looked at my audiobooks via Deseret Book and this one spoke to me.  

This is a book that everyone needs to read (or listen to).

The Peacegiver

The Book I’m Listening To Right Now

The Big Leap

Progress Not Perfection

Wow, I’m starting to see the tabletop in a few areas!

Saturday 19 December 2020 - So Far Today...

So far today I’ve...

Awoke at 6 am without an alarm

Fed the cats

Ran a load of dishes in the dishwasher

Ate breakfast 

Took my morning meds

Took a short nap

Spent 30 minutes decluttering and organizing stuff on the dining room table

Assembled and organized a 3 tier cart for my planners & journals

Assembled a new bedroom floor lamp

This is as straight as I could get it, but hey, it works!!!

Ahhh Winter Break

This was taken December 18, 2011.

My home is a complete disaster and I’m behind on just about everything else in my life, but I’m thankfully somewhat rested after I made sure I went to bed early and got an extra amount of sleep this past week.

Earlier this week, a retired former coworker passed away from COVID-19.  He had only been retired 3 years.  So the question I was asked by a coworker:  is waiting until retirement to do the things you want really the way to live, or should we also enjoy the journey along the way?

Today I Cried

 Today I started on a new journey in my life, a journey of trying to create a new life for myself.

I'm taking a course on planning and goal setting/achieving and started with the "homework" we were given to do.

The first page has already brought me to tears.  Let me explain.

In my 20's when I moved out of my parent's house, only to move back after a few years to help my Father take care of my Mother who had a mini stroke.  A few years later, I met and married the love of my life and gained a teenage niece whom he had guardianship of.  I was able, thanks to my husband, to finish my bachelors degree at ASU just eight months before he passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  I was 33 years old.

My husband had been gone four months when my Father was diagnosed with cancer #1.  So the grieving got put on hold while helping Mom take care of Dad  Thankfully, he survived that cancer and I was able to start taking some computer classes at Mesa Community College just out of fun and curiosity.  I ended up getting all A's in these classes and found some fulfillment in satisfying both my techie brain with the creativity to create web pages.

A few years later I would lose my Father to cancer #2 (lung cancer) and was now the sole caregiver of my Mother.  This also meant teaching my Mother how to cope with losing a husband.  Again, my life changed.  By this time, I had gone back to working full time, this time not in banking but in public education, using the computer skills and education I had acquired after my husband's death.  This allowed for me to help out my Mother financially as well as emotionally as best as I could.

This went on for 10 1/2 years until my Mother passed away suddenly and unexpectedly and my life changed again.  Now, for the first time in my life, I feel completely alone in my grieving and my struggling to create a new life - again.

So today I sat during my lunch break and started working on the homework for his planning/goal setting class.

The first questions asked were, You are a complete success in your life, what does your life LOOK like in five years?  Then the next big question:  How does your life FEEL?

I was able, for the first time since my 20's (I'm now 54 years old), to actually picture my having a life that doesn't involve taking care of another human being.  Now, any dreams I have are no longer confined to what I can fit in my life while taking care of everyone else in my life.

I was able to write down what a life would look like (if successful) and then to write down what it would FEEL like.

This caused me to cry, but these were happy tears.  For the first time in what seems like an eternity, I could see a life for myself and feel a life for myself that actually was based on my own dreams and aspirations. 

This allowed for me to go back to work with a different mindset and finish out my day picking up the printout of the first 90 days of the planner, pick up a few additional supplies for the class at Staples and picking up some items at Costco to enable me to skip the grocery store for at least another day or two.  I even found items there that were completely out last week when I shopped at Costco, allowing me to stock up on some needed items.  

I feel completely blessed and completely grateful to God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost for seeing me through so much pain and struggle to a place where I can see God's tender mercies.

Congratulations Sarra!

The Audiobook I’m Currently Listening To

The Power of Habit

I highly recommend this book!

One More Thing...

I messed up and missed this video which, I believe, is the last in the series from The Mental Breakdown channel.

This series is fantastic and answered a lot of questions for me, hopefully it answers some for you too.

Some Thoughts I Wish I’d Known Before Going Back To Work

This spoke volumes to me when I first watched it.

The point is:  be careful returning back to work doesn’t put you in a position where you relapse.

Set boundaries and make them known.

If your boss starts to bury you with work, ask very clearly which task gets the highest priority and work from there.  

Recovering After A Mental (Nervous) Breakdown

As with any videos you see online, please check with a professional for your personalized care.

That said, I did some research on whether people recover from a mental breakdown.  I found a credible source for some information.

Ten Small Changes

Escaping The Anxiety/Burnout/Depression Cycle

The Anxiety Cycle

 

Rewiring The Anxious Brain

From Therapy In A Nutshell - a new to me channel I’m loving.

Managing Stress

How To Fix The Exhausted Brain

Understanding Job Burnout

Burnout Week 2

I’m in my second week of vacation and am still feeling like I’m in recovery mode.

Thankfully, I no longer wake up in the morning feeling like burnt toast.

My brain is starting to be able to multitask again.

Keep in mind though, this was after 4-5 days of sleeping, eating and filling my body with medicine and vitamins.  This took a serious toll on my health.

Yesterday I met with my therapist and explained to her that given the way I was feeling, I had left a decluttering group and the ANWA group as my brain was no longer able to create at this point.  One of the key things she told me was that I should take this time off to take care of me, not worry about decluttering right now until my body feels like it’s ready.  It was wonderful, it felt like I was getting permission to simply get some rest.

I left social media for the most part, with the exception of keeping in touch with a good friend who was apparently concerned about me.  I did try to keep up with birthdays on Facebook.  :-)

Last week I had the next round of hormone replacement therapy done, which I’m sure is helping my body recuperate.

Today I went for a walk around my complex and felt well enough to go Costco and Walmart shopping.

I had voted last week so that had already been done.

I am just thankful for the time off to rest.

Burnout

Some Halloween Fun

I’ve put together a few playlists, one with programs and music, the other is all music.

The first few of the programs are kid friendly, with the not so kid friendly after the Greenwood Cemetery video.  Viewer Discretion is advised.

Halloween Music:

Starting The Decluttering Process

Today I ran a load of dishes, changed 1 litter box and took out 3 bags of trash.

It’s only the beginning.

Tomorrow:

Clear the spiders out of my bathroom

Take a shower

Clean the bathroom

Unload the dolly

Get snail mail

Fill out ballot

Gather recycling to the car

Take empty water container to the car

Drop off ballot

Drop off recycling

Refill container with filtered water

Clear dining room table

Take out more trash

Bag up shredding

We’ll see how much of this gets done tomorrow.  LOL.

How Willing Are We Really?

I’ve noticed there are people out there who are simply looking for someone or something to hate.

Let it go.

Decluttering With Grace

Last night’s therapy session the word Grace came into the conversation.

Giving yourself Grace for the past spending, Grace for the ability to let go of sentimental items.

I tend to think of things in black and white, but I need to find the gray space and create a Grace Space.

Grace.

Dreams - 10-10-2020

Early Monday morning on October 5, 2020 I had a most disturbing dream.

In the dream I was in an outdoor enclosure where a number of snakes in different colors showed and started biting people.  I managed to get away with just one bite and ran out to where a built in swimming pool was.

A group of men came up on my left side from the enclosure with a young man who was already in seizures from several snake bites.  The men threw this man into the water.  I yelled at them to not do this, the man will die, but I was told by the leader of the men that he was already on his way to death, so no big deal.

The snakes then sped up, slithered into the water and began to consume the man.  At first I could see his arms and legs still twitching, but then they stopped as it was apparent the snakes finished their job.  No blood came out, but the snakes began to consume the man.

I then realized that okay, the snakes have been fed for now, but what about later?  I’m as expendable as everyone else!  I then began to run away and the men began chasing after me, that was when I awoke from my dream.

So the question is:  what snakes do I have in my life that I need to get rid of now?

Yesterday morning I had another dream, this was about what I believe to be private isn’t and there are those looking to come after me.

I’ve made some changes to whom I watch on YouTube and whom I support on Patreon as a result of these dreams.

I wasn’t becoming the woman I want to be and God knows I can become.

I am so thankful for the reminders that keep me focused.

I’ve cut out the drama and commentary channels as well as the problematic beauty community.

The channels I now watch and the groups I now participate in are in line with my goals and the systems I am now incorporating to achieve those goals.

One Step Forward...

And what feels like 30 steps backward.

I’ve been getting trash out of the house and trying to keep up on a daily dish washing routine, so far I’m doing good for that.

Yesterday (Wednesday) I took a couple of books to work and donated them to the lunchroom reading nook.

Then I went book shopping for the books I’m studying right now.

I went to Changing Hands Bookstore

Then I made the crazy decision to go to Barnes & Noble:

As I mentioned, these are books that I am listening to and want to take notes from the books.  I will most likely post on this blog what I’m gleaning from each.

Progress...

Not perfection yet.  I’m slowly getting there!  I took a shutdown day today (my employer kept track of the hours I worked during the shutdown and I’m slowly using them like vacation days) so I had an extra day to rest, to watch General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and to get some cleaning and decluttering done.

Friday night:

Tonight:

There is still a lot to go through, but it’s not getting moved around anymore, it’s finding a new home or getting discarded properly.

Now to get some rest before my week starts tomorrow.

Days 19-29

Paper plates dating back to when Decker was alive and plastic cutlery dating back to our wedding in 1998.  No joke.

Bonus:  a case of Cliff Bars.

Day 28

8 pairs of socks & 20 breakfast bars going to kids and coworkers, respectively.

Progress Not Perfection

It’s not done yet, but I’m building systems...  Also, I’m counting this as days 19, 20 & 21.

Two car loads of recycling later...

2016

2017

2018

Today before declutter...

Now

Don’t worry, the cats are not getting decluttered.  😹😹😹

Thankful It’s Friday

It’s so sad to see how many of the young generations have never heard nor watched this movie, but these scenes sure got me through today.

What’s Up Doc

Progress!

With the last declutter I was able to make some progress in my crazy storage bin collection.

Before:

In 2016

2018:

Now:

Day 16 - 17 - 18

I have a friend who is in need of this stuff right now... and I’m thankful to be in a position to give it to her if she wants it.  If not, donation!

Epiphany - Revelation

Today I was re-listening to Dana White’s audiobook on keeping a clean house and my mind went to my hope chest in my home.  It was always a place to keep things for me to use later on in life.

Then I realized, this is later on in my life.  The time for me to use the items is now.

Now I just need to work my way to get to it this weekend, as I know I have some items in there I could give to a friend in need.

Days 14 & 15

Magnets I’ve had removed from the refrigerator and placed in a file folder for years now, I’m finally disposing.  There are more than 29 here, but I don’t care, I want them gone.  LOL.

Progress!

Day 13

A bunch of stuff accumulated that has never actually been used in 20 years.  Time to go.

There is more to go, but I’m making progress!