Friday, April 30, 2010


In an age of stalkers, this song gets it.

Here's a link to the lyrics if you don't believe me.


The Look of Love

Yep. I have no idea why, unless Barry and his manager Garry have gotten thin skins after 30 + years in the music industry, but for some reason this is what I've gotten when I try to access my account on the My Manilow Network. They've also deleted my page on the site.

But, I will add, this is also what long time fans have gotten for years, once that fan is no longer looking at Barry with those Rose Colored Glasses (La Vie En Rose - not).

I can still view the site when I'm not logged in, so no matter. And if this is how Barry and Garry want for this to end, C'est La Vie.

How's my French now, Barry?

Monday, April 26, 2010

It's A...

cyst. A big one. And yes, call me silly, but since most of my friends are pregnant or new mommies and have been showing off their ultrasounds of their babies, I should have something to show for all of the pain I've been through too!

This thing is now bigger than a grapefruit, almost the size of a football. No wonder I can't reach my toes when I tie my shoes in the morning. They had a hard time locating my left ovary because this thing is just blocking everything.

Warning: Men may want to skip this paragraph. Unfortunately, this was not the nice jelly on the belly ultrasound (I've had those on my breasts to check on lumps), but a wand with a condom over it that was inserted, yep you guessed it, into the vagina. And since I've already got cramps going down there, yeah, I'm going to be sore for a little while.

I'll be seeing the doctor a week from tomorrow and hopefully we can get the surgery scheduled so I can get rid of this thing and move on with my life!



Update #2

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Update #2

For those following along with my very personal saga (I understand it could be TMI for some of you and I understand), I have some news.

I saw the specialist today and got good and bad news.

The bad news: it's gotten bigger since the CT scan was done on Wednesday.

While the CA 125 came back negative, I'm not out of the woods just yet; there's still a chance it could have cancer and it not spread - yet.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for Monday and he is wanting to do the surgery on a Thursday or Friday to minimize the amount of time I'll have to take off work to heal.

The cyst is inside the ovary, and is bigger than what they normally can do with laparoscopic surgery, although he's going to try it anyway to be the least invasive.

If the cyst bursts, then it will be emergency surgery and much more invasive to remove and to make sure I don't end up with a life threatening infection.

This means I will be missing work and not waiting until summer to have this handled.

When the doctor came in, he at first was asking me what I did to deserve this. I think he was testing to see how I would react.

I told him that things happen for a reason and that something good will come of this, I just don't know what blessings will come of it. This made him feel more comfortable in telling me all of the news and answer the questions of both my Mother and my own. Yes, Mom came with me, because she also didn't really understand what was going on. Now we both have a better idea.

The doctor did say, though, if he opens me up and finds cancer, he will not perform the surgery, but will close me back up, wake me up, tell me what he found and bring in another doctor to perform a full hysterectomy.

Basically, this is the status in a nutshell. He'll know more with the ultrasound, but nothing beats actually looking at the problem directly in order to see if there is cancer or not.

This doctor is really, really nice and actually was joking around with us through the appointment, and I'm really thankful to have him working with me on this.

I'm in good hands.

I'll know more on Monday, but I'll keep everyone posted.

Many thanks for the prayers and thoughts on my behalf, please know they are being answered and greatly appreciated.

Sunday, April 18, 2010


This is just a brief update from my last post.

I got the voice mail from my doctor's office that the CA 125 test on my blood work came back negative, there is no cancer in my bloodstream. This is GREAT NEWS!!

Today I got a wonderful Priesthood Blessing that has fortified the peace I feel about this whole situation. I'm in very good hands both here on earth and in Heaven, so everything is going to be just fine.

Many thanks for the continued positive thoughts and prayers. Trust me, they are making a difference.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


No, not the group. :o) This is the sound made when you get a smackdown, and I got one today - of sorts.

This is going to get extremely personal, so gentlemen, if you don't want to read this, stop now.

It's a genetic trait in my family for the females to have really bad menstrual cycles. My mother had them until she had her first baby, my older sister (my brother was adopted). So, I haven't really thought it unusual when I would have terrific pain in my abdomen before, during and after my cycles.

This past Sunday, however, I got sick. Really sick. Not able to hold down food sick. I tried to stick it out on Monday at work, but to no avail. Thankfully, I was able to get in to see my primary care doctor, and he felt around my abdomen. It was tender, and he felt a lump he knew didn't belong where it was on my right side.

Blood work was done on Monday and I called and scheduled a CT scan for this morning. I'd never had one before and because I'm allergic to sea food, this was a bit challenging, because that also means I'm allergic to certain types of iodine. There is an iodine solution that gets injected into you via IV for the CT scan.

We were able to get that worked out and I went this morning for the scan. It was like something from outer space, but not as loud as an MRI. Those you have to use headphones for because of the rapping sound of the machine while it takes the pictures.

I went back home and called the doctor's office to let them know that I took the test this morning, and I was informed that the blood work showed an infection, which would account for the vomiting, diarreah and fever I've had since Sunday. I also informed them, as was requested by the lab technicians, that I should not be on my diabetes medication for the next few days as my liver needs a chance to heal from the injection I got today.

I got a call back from the doctor's office a few hours later, asking me to come in to see the doctor. My CT scans had come back and I knew if they were asking me to see the doctor that something must be up. I was right.

The doctor told me the lab reports came back with the news that I had a 13 cm cyst coming from my right ovary. That's right, 13 centimeters. It's roughly about the size of a grapefruit. I have no idea how long it's been there, as it was never discovered during my annual female checkups.

Both the cyst and the ovary are going to have to be removed and checked for cancer. They are also using the same batch of blood work from Monday to do a test called the CA 125 test, which checks for cancer cells in the bloodstream.

Yes, the "C" word was brought up. Back in 2003, I had surgery on my right breast to remove a lump that was questionable, and thankfully it was benign. I'm hoping I'll have the same blessings with this as well.

As far as my not having children are concerned, I knew, upon Decker's death, that children would not happen with me, at least not in this lifetime. When Decker died, so did my chances of having one or more children. But, the good news in this, with his resurrection will also be resurrected the opportunity to have children then. I have already cried these tears of disappointment, I don't need to shed them again. I know, beyond any doubt, if I can stay true to the Lord, His word will stay true with me.

Hopefully, though, this will straighten out the hormone issues that have plagued me since puberty, and I can get some feeling of balance in my life.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Too Big To Nail?

Here is just another example of why any company doing business in health care should not be operating as a for profit business.

Pfizer: Too Big To Nail