An incident that occurred a few weeks ago on a fan site I belong to has prompted this message.
As many of my friends know, I'm a big fan of Barry Manilow. I have been for many years ( and no, I will not go into how many). Barry's Fan Club has a Ning account that is used as a message board for blogs and discussions by his fans, for his fans. I've made a lot of really great friendships on this site, but there has been some drama lately.
One of the fans on the site, I'll call her Sally, posted a blog post on the site saying some rather not-so-nice things about how much the other fans were posting on the site about Michael Jackson. Then she got into another topic, one that didn't sit well at all with many of the fans, saying some inflammatory remarks about Barry. She was concerned about Barry regarding his personal life, and her posting it on a web site - operated by Barry's Fan Club - was how she felt it needed to be done. Sally, and now a friend of hers, is stating they have every right to post this because it is their opinion. I'm not buying that argument.
While I'm not privy to Barry and his personal life (and neither is Sally), things of this nature should be handled privately through his managers, not in a public forum where anyone can look it up and see this being posted.
When anyone talks about someone's private life without that person's consent, it moves from opinion to gossip. Gossip is very destructive and humiliating. I know as I've been the object of gossip myself, and while I do love the people behind the gossiping, they have lost my trust. Forgiveness is one thing, trust is another. It's also especially destructive because usually the object of the gossip is not there to defend themselves from what people are saying and/or accusing them of.
Sally backed up and made apologies, however she privately sent messages to some of the other fans stating she wasn't backing down from her "opinions".
I've stated on the site, a sincere apology comes in 3 parts: I'm sorry, it will never happen again and what can I do to make it right. Some wise words to live by from Randy Pausch. He stated that while a lot of people do the first, and should do the second parts, the third part of that is usually ignored. That's how you can tell that someone is being sincere in their apology.
The really sad part of gossiping is that the person gossiped about usually finds out. It was that way with me when I found out I was the butt of the gossip at my Church when my husband died. It was discovered, however the public apologies and tears didn't stop the gossiping, it still continues on to this day. As I've said, I love these people, however I will never trust them again, nor do I even want them setting foot inside my home. Sad. Very sad.
3 comments:
This destructive behavior on the part of "Sally" has been going on since the fan site open and way before. Her "friend" that is defending "Sally" does not understand that isn't about forgiveness but about refusing to be a part of "Sally's" dramas. She thrives on them. One day her friend will understand because "Sally" will turn on her.
So sad. Not what a fan site is supposed to be about at all. Great blog.
Sue
http://manilowblog.blogspot.com
Well, well, well........
FINALLY a place where people can post the TRUTH without fear of it being deleted or blocked from posting on the official site! Last time I was in school, I was taught this country was founded on freedom of speech. No one can figure out why some accounts are deleted yet this troublemaker is continually allowed to remain on the site.
SALLY has been wreaking havoc in the fan world for YEARS and YEARS and YEARS. It's not only about her recent blog. Her mental, emotional, verbal and financial abuse to so many among us for so long has not been forgotten. This is her real mo and she doesn't care who she steps on to get what she wants. She has lost every "friend" she has ever had except this one she has now and that's because of the things she has done.
This new "friend" refuses to believe she is not what she appears to be but then Sally is very good at manipulation. This friend doesn't realize how foolish she looks to so many and she will get burned as well before it's all over. Just how many times is a person supposed to forgive? Even a dog will either bite or run away after so much abuse.
My question is: Why does this 50+ woman constantly feel the need to defend another 50+ year old woman? I guess this woman isn't mature enough to defend herself? All she does is rile everyone with her lies and she stays away from all the ones who have her number and are able to see right through her. She preys on the unsuspecting who don't know any better.
You can't imagine, in your wildest dreams, some of the things Sally has done to so many. She should be in jail for some of the things she has done. She is very jealous of anyone who is able to see Barry more than she can and this came right from her mouth.
This is not "gossip".....it is GOSPEL and there is proof of all of it.
Her main problem is she lies so much, she can't remember what she said and who she said it to but people don't forget.
For those who think Sally is such a great person, guess again. All is not as it appears to be. Just because someone is a fan does not mean that person is decent and upstanding. Trust is something that has to be earned and should never be given freely.
Many among us truly hope the day never comes when we can say to this "friend" of hers we tried to warn you but you wouldn't listen.
Sally should admit herself to a facility to get the therapy she so desperately needs. She needs intervention and the sooner the better.
The days of her always crying the blues and using the victim manipulation have to stop. Maybe the best way to stop it short of therapy is to simply ignore her. If she doesn't get the attention, she will tire of trying and maybe just go away.
99.9% of the people among us want nothing to do with her.
Sad, isn't it? Maybe horrific is a better word.
Watch out and use some common sense where she is concerned.
Thank you for the comments, and for the warning, Barryfriend. Yeah, she's already trying to attack me on the blog post on the MMN. I've deleted her comments, but it was a complete 180 degree turn from her "apology".
It is very, very sad that she had made such a name for herself.
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