NaNo Rebel

After 10 years in the cobwebs, I’m finally getting back to the book that has patiently waited for me to finish.

Cleaning With Depression

I created a playlist of videos on this topic that have made an impact on my mindset to get some decluttering done at home.

To Keep The Mental Health Message Going

I love Cinema Therapy.

Happy Mental Health Awareness Month

The last post was a selfie I took the final night I completed clearing out my parents home before it was sold.  I was still numb from Mom’s death but keeping things moving while working during the day at my full time job.  I want to give this woman a long hug.

Functioning Versus Functional

Functioning Versus Functional

Yes this is me.

Please watch all the way to the end.

For My Future Husband

The pain from Decker’s death is finally surfacing into bouts of crying.  💧

Forgiving Those Who Have Died

A recent experience had me trying to figure out how to forgive my deceased father for abuses I experienced as a child.  I think I found my answer.  

Thank you, Elder Holland.

Updates

 My apologies for taking so long to post, I've been journaling offline.

In late January I had a "baby" breakdown (I like to refer to them as aftershocks from a devastating earthquake).  I'm actually doing great now.

Processing trauma comes (for me at least) in layers.  Kind of like peeling the layers off an onion.  It opened up old wounds and trauma that needed to be addressed.  The trigger for this aftershock was a dream that revealed the trauma:  I was still trying to find any way I could to save my Mother's life.

The following day I met virtually with my therapist and I was able to finally process this wound that had been festering below the surface in the back of my mind.

Once that had been finally put to rest, I could feel the Savior's healing balm within me and by the following week I was feeling better than I had in years.  

I'm starting to feel joy again.  Something I thought I would never feel again after my Mother's death.

Fast forward to February 7th.  For my Family Home Evening I was watching the videos on the Old Testament from the channel Don't Miss This.  I love how deep they get in their research of the topics from each Come Follow Me lesson, and often provide things I hadn't thought of before.

I received a personal revelation from the Lord and was instructed to write it down (I did).

I won't go into much of what I received, but what I feel is a covenant with the Lord was made and, in short, I was told I would marry again.

I have no idea to whom and I'm assuming Decker is probably taking the lead on finding the time only companion for me.  I've kissed enough frogs to have given up on any hopes of this a long time ago, so we'll see what Decker and the Savior have in mind for me.

I now feel completely at peace, and as I said earlier, I can feel joy again.  I can feel hope again.  And, with the right man, I will feel love again.

DID

Grief Sucks

From “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F$$$”

The beauty of poker is that while luck is always involved, luck doesn’t dictate the long-term results of the game. A person can get dealt terrible cards and beat someone who was dealt great cards. Sure, the person who gets dealt great cards has a higher likelihood of winning the hand, but ultimately the winner is determined by—yup, you guessed it—the choices each player makes throughout play. I see life in the same terms. We all get dealt cards. Some of us get better cards than others. And while it’s easy to get hung up on our cards, and feel we got screwed over, the real game lies in the choices we make with those cards, the risks we decide to take, and the consequences we choose to live with. People who consistently make the best choices in the situations they’re given are the ones who eventually come out ahead in poker, just as in life. And it’s not necessarily the people with the best cards.

While I am not perfect in how I handle hard things, it is still my responsibility to represent Christ in how I handle it.

That does not excuse, however, Unchristian behavior of others towards me and the “cards” I was dealt in life.  They will need to take that up with Jesus.

I’ll Buy That For $25

I wonder how many of the young ones have heard of Ralph Nader?  Yes, I’m one of those old people who work in an office for a living, I’m blessed to be able to pay my bills.  I’m also looking forward to the freedom of retirement and entrepreneurship.

I’ve never been to Vail and never had the desire to go there.

I’ve never owned a large home (by over-entitled American standards) and am restarting my quest for financial and clutter freedom.

Let’s see what this new economy can do?

If you are confused, please read this blog post:  

The Great Resignation