Monday, January 26, 2009


I'm going to rant for a few minutes. I'm sure it's nice for someone to tell me how the singles program in my Church "needs" me. The problem is, the singles program in my Church was never meant to meet the needs of widows. Widowed members, especially those who are grieving the loss of their spouse, need to hear testimonies of how these noble people still have a valid marriage in the eternities. Do we get this? No.

Let me explain a little doctrine for those who are unfamiliar with this. When I got married, I was sealed for time and eternity in the Mesa Temple. When Decker died, he wasn't even dead 1 month and my records were changed to single from married. Without my knowledge nor consent. Doing so put my name on every singles list on God's green earth and turned my grieving into a living Hell.

What exactly does it mean to be married for time and eternity, if it's not honored after the spouse is dead?

I cannot be sealed to another man, so my chances of marrying again, especially given that I'm still in my child-bearing years, are pretty much nill. There are a few widowers out there who do not want to marry again for time and eternity, but they are few and far between and many of them are considerably older than I am.

Going to singles functions where I am told of the virtues of marrying for eternity hurts. It's been 8 years and it still hurts. There are only a few lessons at singles functions I've been to that could even pertain to widows, so what's the point?

I've asked to not be contacted for singles functions, but so far it has fallen on deaf ears. Do I have to ask to not be contacted at all by the Church in order for my wishes to be respected?

Not all widowed members feel this way, of course, but participation in this should be a matter of choice. Right now the only choice is for a widowed member to find someone to marry, just to get the Church off their backs.


CJ said...

Dawn, hang in there. I have a widowed friend in my new ward. She's been widowed for 10 years with 5 children. I know that you know this....the church is true....sometimes I think the well meaning of others wouldn't be taken so well if they were receiving it. It's called sensitivity people! You know what you have with Decker, and that's all that matters. You are married...eternally. Your loving sister in the gospel, Charmen.

Dawn Bushman said...

Thank you. I hope things are well for your widowed friend. I had tried to create a group for widows for support, but the Singles Rep at the time submarined the support group. Maybe it's time to re-think it again.

Last night I was asked to help out at a Singles FHE at the Stake Family History Center. Apart from being able to help out a few people, I felt like an outsider. I don't belong in a singles group (I've tried it before and it didn't work out), but at the same time I don't exactly fit in with a group of women discussing husbands and children. This is why I don't do baby showers.

I came home depressed and crying, wanting my husband back.

Thanks for listening (reading).

I know the Church is true, and that the Lord honors my eternal marriage, I just wish the rest of His Church would as well.